im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize