after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
