Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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