worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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