That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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