just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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