This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
