Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
