Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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