Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize