Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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