Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
