He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
