I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize