I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
smell my finger.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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