Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
