Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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