my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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