3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
