fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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