"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
