It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Less talking, more tequila
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
