OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
