Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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