New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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