Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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