Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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