worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
