Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
