dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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