Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize