final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
