The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
