I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
