He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
