Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize