are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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