It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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