I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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