Midget sex pt 2 tonight
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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