I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
