How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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