I'm going to jail i love you
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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