He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
