yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
