i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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