Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
