What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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