The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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