Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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