She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
