hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
