I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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