Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
