Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
