Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
