Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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