and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
