Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You ruined the universe
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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