I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
