New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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