had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
