i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
