how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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