When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Rumble strips road head = magical
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
