you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
