Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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