well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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